Vacation Then Life Not as Usual

My nearly forgotten love for camping was resurrected with last weekend's trip into the wilderness. Relaxing in a folding chair aside a modest river eased away the anxiety of being unplugged from the world. It was so calming that I kept dozing off despite the giggles and glee's from the childish play of twenty-something year olds.

Apparently, my friends would be damned to let a river go not damned. Despite the hilarious imagery of big children in their late twenties shoveling small boulders into unnatural positions across a river, one could easily stand in awe of their intricate work of channels and flood zones. They even blocked off pools to keep the beer cold...after all, we are adults...for the most part... Everything was playful with sprinkles of practicality.

We cleared the campsite in the typical red-eyed and exhausted fashion. Even though we looked bad and probably smelled worse, our faces were revitalized from the city-induced wrinkles. As we descended away from the fresh air of the lush mountains, my cell phone reception leaked back in and gradually replugged me into society's matrix. It didn't take long for "the message" to come in...

I came back to a hurricane of ghosts from a life once past. The inevitable day I dreaded for so many years had finally come. Some heavy decisions were crapping back onto my knotted shoulders, and I wasn't returning to life as usual.

Sometimes I spend so much time looking around life from the outside that I forget that I'm in the middle of it. It's a bad habit when someone's made the kinds of mistakes I have. I must have been pretty crazy to tout around the way I have for the last decade. At least I was never oblivious. I was never naive. I just hate the idea of another person stunting my experiences. I hate backing down.

I'm grateful for the ones that take the time to remind me of how precious and fragile life can be. But what's living if it's always on other people's terms? I've always stood my ground, and although the possibility of serious consequences has returned, I find it difficult to change my stripes. I'm not sure exactly how to continue going about my days now, but I will definitely go about treading lightly. It's not just about myself anymore.

The past few days were filled with the same serious reflection I faced a decade ago. I was forced to revisit the ups and downs of the self I hoped had finally faded. And surprisingly, I came out smiling. The optimist born through the years grew strong enough to look on the brighter side of the coin. There were tons of good times through the turbulent years. Remembering some of them with old best friends was worth the bad news.

In my heart, I sincerely feel like all is going to be okay. Yet, with all the worrying around me, I'm certainly minding my ways.

I know that reading this may be incredibly vague for most, and I apologize for not being able to divulge specifics. Hopefully there will be a day when I can and will share the details...

Damn Computers

I'm going back to pen and paper to write for a while.

Right when I'm in the middle of drafting something self-seemingly significant, the computer dies and stares at me blankly as I stare at it stunned.

Whatever...writing is more gratifying when you can surround yourself with crumbles of bad ideas rather than green and red squiggled underlines.

Lessing Laughter

I can't remember the last time I had a good honest laugh...can you?

Everything humorous barely ekes out a chuckle. Most times, I feel like my laugh is largely forced and half faked to be socially appropriate. Where has my sense of humor gone? Has my funny bone been crippled by arthritis?

I can make myself feel warm recalling memories. I can get myself smiling remembering lighter yesterdays. But it's all too controlled. I never find myself laughing until I can't breath because of the stresses of tomorrow. I never float about grinning unreasonably because of the weight of meeting expectations. And I always walk away more guilty than satisfied from taking leisure.

If I am a man of modern times, it is no wonder why I am down in this economy.

Long Time No Write...

Wow. It's been a really long time since I've written anything. Hmmm...what to write about...

Here's a little something personal:


I've been through several hardships in life. Maybe it's because of my own trials that I have seen so many others with their own...

My childhood neighbor grew up in the messiest home I've ever seen. Along with dog poo lying on the ground, their rooms had so much garbage on the floor that I couldn't step on a single square foot of plain carpet. The family cars were fixer-uppers with spray painted bodies. But we were kids, so we didn't care as long as we found someway to play.

Later in life, I found out that their father was an alcoholic. Not the violent kind. He just couldn't stop sipping on the syzzer. He was always kind to me and even built a playhouse in the backyard for his son. Sadly, the downward spiral was inevitable. It was no surprise why so much trash collected everywhere in their home.

I don't know the details, but the family fell apart. The father left home and drank his days away. Eventually, he was found dead on a park bench. He couldn't have been over 50 years old. Tragic.


There was this girl in middle school. She always seemed happy. She had several friends and was liked by almost all the boys. Somehow, I found out that she had been molested. wtf...


When I was in high school, I met people from all over SoCal. There was a 14 year old girl that would drink and stay out all night. It didn't take long for her to tell us stories of how her father would punish her by tying her up on a chair and then beat her.


I've got millions of stories like this. I didn't read them in books. I met these people. If you wonder why I always seem so laid back and peaceful, it's because the characters that have supported the story of my life have taught me to look past the trivial. Life is far more colorful than any movie can capture in two hours. From guys that died with brain tumors to others that got their head blown off while sitting at home, you never know who you'll meet and how long they'll be around for. Don't spend too much time being angry over dishes.

Neoteny.

Electric Cars and Really Interesting Stats

Shai Agassi gives a TED talk about his company and some of the work they have been doing. The stats that he offers relating to electric cars is very interesting.




I wrote an entry earlier this month about our economy and the need for alternative energy sources. The preceding lecture gives much more compelling evidence.

The graph referencing depleting resources is extremely fascinating. From a brief glance, the volatility in prices increases the more supply decreases. If you're an investor, now may be a good time to buy oil. Actually...oil is an extremely profitable area to be trading in if you properly boost your earnings with option contracts.